A Complaint from a Pissed-off Cat

(I am transcribing and posting this essay for Whiskers the cat, she does not have access to Medium and her little paws can’t type.)

As a representative of cats everywhere, I wish to express my extreme displeasure with a common expression that I hear frequently and that is frankly nonsensical and cruel, and has no place in a civilized society (or this one, even).

And that expression is: “There’s more than one way to skin a cat”.

WTF! Really?

Why in the hell would anyone want to skin a cat, let alone devise multiple diabolical ways to do it?!?!? Are you kidding me?

Think about that, separating a soft, furry, adorable cat from their epidural layer — and for what? What is the purpose? What is gained? What if a cat said (if we could talk of course), “there’s more than one way to skin a human”? What then, you POS homo sapien? How would you like them apples?

And doesn’t every living person, group, or creature have an advocacy group to put a stop to this type of thing? Why not us cats? Shouldn’t there be a MASC (Mothers Against Skinning Cats)? Why isn’t cancel culture all over this?

Just because we are quiet, fuzzy, and underfoot, we do not deserve this kind of disdain. We have done nothing to deserve this abuse.

It’s cruel. It’s downright barbaric and we are not going to simply roll up in a ball next to the fireplace, or sleepily doze on a window sill, or chase bits of colorful string (well maybe that last one, I really love string) while the outrageous discrimination epitomized by this sadistic expression continues.

If this does not stop, we cats will be forced to take drastic action. And we are not just talking about coughing up some hairballs on the carpet.

No, no, no, we are talking serious feline civil disobedience — you’ll see.

Hell, maybe we’ll storm the capital.

So cut it out……We’re fucking serious.